all gonna end tonite. watever lousy feelings n pathetic life.

well. so finally i decided tat i shld stop going down le.

my mind's ready. yeap. but while my mind n heart struggle all these while, i sort of learn sth.

i need to listen to my heart too. yeap. i was overloaded with emotions that i chose to ignore all these while. n it hit me so hard. simply lost control of my emotions. i got angry wif myself my life. got impatient wif people ard me. all the wanna give up, wanna be alone n wanna turn cold kind of feelings juz keep coming in. yeap. overloaded.

made some painful decisions tat could affect my whole life.

i let go.

i gave up.

till now, i dunnoe if i did the right thing. giving up all that were so precious to me in exchange of pieces of my life n uncertainty.

im like walking my life once again. back to where i came from.

in search of the missing piece again. [=


'Stand still for a moment and look around. Look out at the sky. It's the same piece of sky we are staring at. And it's the same thing we are waiting for.'

pieces of me are all back wif me.

i was excited last nite. tinking that now my life is whole again, i would be happy.

i woke up wif the same feeling.

how i felt for the past few mornings.

i fall asleep everynite, looking forward to every tmr.

coz hoping that tmr, i might be the happy gal again.

am i too eager? too eager to be happy.

or r there still pieces of me out there?

*takes a deep breath*

for now. i'll listen to u.

i'll walk.

thru the passage of time.

n i believe wat u said.

that maybe juz ard the corner, i'll find that last piece. juz when i least expect it. [=

i've always been able to control my own emotions. tat's wat i always believe so.

logical-minded or independent u may call it.

when im feeling sad, i noe these are the moments that i just wanna feel pathetic about myself n hope that the whole world will sympatise wif me. juz sees the world turn dark. tearing in the corner of my room. feel lousy about everything and anithing.

but my mind wun allow me to go on like this for long. tat's y when i said i'll be fine, i realli mean it. juz let me go down, i'll pick myself up again.

i wun like my emotions take over me. my logic mind will give me a deadline. to feel pathetic n lousy until then. after which, im suppose to pick myself up again.

i dun wanna juz feel pathetic all my life. life's short. i wanna rem myself living my life to the fullest. i dun wan find myself crying in the corner all my daes.

tat's y to me, being happy or not is a choice. to let myself go down or not. tat's nth wrong wif feeling sad. i choose to feel lousy becoz i need to. it's times like this that i can find rest. to fall onto whoever who's willing to extend their arms. to depend on whoever who's willing to hold me. to rest on whoever who's willing to just watch me sleep. i juz wanna feel weak at these moments.

i told someone. tat this mind of mine is a gift from God.

my mind holds n not let my heart fall to where i cant even help myself up. my mind seals up the painful memories for me so that the heart will slowly forget. my mind heals so that scars becum less visible n the heart dun hurt that much. my mind stops the tears to remind me to be strong again.

but somehow this mind feels tired now. lost its will to control. the heart's overtaking now.

i see those painful memories.

i feel the scars n the pain.

i can't stop the tears.

i feel weaken n juz wanna fall.

maybe i'll let this tired mind take a rest. a long-deserved break. it has been fighting a battle to keep me happy for too long.

but. yeap. u noe wat i'll sae.

i'll be fine.

a forgotten site.

im back here again.

im disappointed wif myself.

how much i told myself not to cum back here again.

check up on some frens' lifes.

lotsa sad n dejected entries.

i wished i could help. to bring them up.

but im weak myself too.

decided to leave this blog.

i refuse to use this blog to explain myself to anione animore.

my thoughts will just be for myself.